Communication is Key
We humans were born to interact with others. We created the concept of language for this very reason. If we could not speak to one another, gesture to one another, or come in contact with on another, we would likely go insane (hence why a form of punishment is often solitary confinement). But how we best communicate with others is a tricky concept, especially since we are likely to shoot off a text to that cute boy in class rather than talk to him face to face. All it takes is some practice and social knowledge.
For those of you who are just getting to know me, I am in a sorority on campus. Yes, this means that I have to plaster on a smile for two weeks at the beginning of the year, coordinate my outfit with 160 other girls, exude an overly peppy attitude, and engage in 5 minute mini conversations where I am supposed to decide who would be a good fit for the sorority. Everything that we, my sorority, does for recruitment is all to help us persuade girls to join our chapter. This includes practicing for hours on end how we must line up, chant, lead girls around the house, and most of all communicate with potential new members. For one practice, we hosted a guest speakers named Jessica Gendron Williams, CEO of a company called Phired Up. This company works with fraternity and sororities to help solidify and enhance the communication skills of all members, so that potential new members feel like they engaged in interesting conversations rather than surface level chit chat. What I thought would be a gruelingly long and boring presentation, actually turned into one of the most inspiring learning experiences.
For starters, Jessica knows her stuff. She knows the data behind how people best respond to certain social interactions, she knows how to avoid the same old small talk that sororities are known to do, and she knows how to effectively sum up the key points of initiating good conversations. Typically, if I am meeting someone for the first time I will ask: "Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? What do you like to do in your free time? Did you do anything interesting this past summer?" What I thought were the questions I was supposed to ask potential new members, I found were brick walls waiting to be built up between me and others. These questions allow only a certain amount of response. They have a clearly defined short answer that accompanies them, and sometimes even a one word answer will suffice. I have an intense fear of having a long awkward silence during the middle of a conversation and having the potential new member walk away thinking her last conversation was about as exciting as watching paint dry. I have a phobia of being boring. The solution: ask open ended questions. "If I were to go to your home town, what are five things you would show me?" or "Tell me about what you like to do in your free time." These questions leave the door open to a long response where I can get to know the girl without subjecting her to the same old boring questions she has heard over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. That would get old. By using open ended phrases, I am more likely to hold a deeper conversation rather than tiptoeing on the surface.
Another "Ah-Ha!" moment I had during Jessica's presentation was using storytelling to convey a point. A great way to avoid cliche answers in first conversations, try telling a story. For example, if you are meeting for a job interview and the boss asks you "What is your greatest weakness?" most would answer with a straight forward, short answer. Instead, expressing a detailed story (however, keep it under a couple of minutes or you risk a zoned out listener) of a time that you failed to display your weakness would make the boss more likely to stay engaged. And plus, you then get the opportunity to share what you learned from the experience. Short comments are almost always recycled, and trust me, during recruitment we hear a lot of the same questions to which we respond the same way. No one ever remembers boring conversations. No one will care remember that you love your best friend because "she is kind and always there for me." What they will remember is the story you told about the night the girl you just met helped you sneak out the bathroom window of a restaurant trying to avoid the obnoxious date your sister set you up with. And now that girl is your best friend. Which would you prefer to hear? We all have stories we are itching to tell others. Let's face it, we love to talk about ourselves. Don't forget that there must be at least two people to have a conversation so be conscious of overtaking, but you're more likely to find a deeper connection in a conversation about escaping bad blind dates than about your terrible math professor. Dig deep. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. We tend to put up walls when we talk to others for the first time. Tear 'em down little by little. It shows others that you are genuine, not some robot who goes around talking about the weather all day. I guarantee you'll never make a boring first impression ever again.
Shout out to Jessica for helping to spare me from my fear of coming across as boring.
XOXO,
Rachel
PS. Check out the Phired Up website for a few free tips on how to relate to others through conversation. Who ever thought that looking at social data would show us the way to talk to others. Also, I truly hope that one day you too get to experience a Phired Up presentation. They are quite....inspiring.
For those of you who are just getting to know me, I am in a sorority on campus. Yes, this means that I have to plaster on a smile for two weeks at the beginning of the year, coordinate my outfit with 160 other girls, exude an overly peppy attitude, and engage in 5 minute mini conversations where I am supposed to decide who would be a good fit for the sorority. Everything that we, my sorority, does for recruitment is all to help us persuade girls to join our chapter. This includes practicing for hours on end how we must line up, chant, lead girls around the house, and most of all communicate with potential new members. For one practice, we hosted a guest speakers named Jessica Gendron Williams, CEO of a company called Phired Up. This company works with fraternity and sororities to help solidify and enhance the communication skills of all members, so that potential new members feel like they engaged in interesting conversations rather than surface level chit chat. What I thought would be a gruelingly long and boring presentation, actually turned into one of the most inspiring learning experiences.
For starters, Jessica knows her stuff. She knows the data behind how people best respond to certain social interactions, she knows how to avoid the same old small talk that sororities are known to do, and she knows how to effectively sum up the key points of initiating good conversations. Typically, if I am meeting someone for the first time I will ask: "Where are you from? Do you have any siblings? What do you like to do in your free time? Did you do anything interesting this past summer?" What I thought were the questions I was supposed to ask potential new members, I found were brick walls waiting to be built up between me and others. These questions allow only a certain amount of response. They have a clearly defined short answer that accompanies them, and sometimes even a one word answer will suffice. I have an intense fear of having a long awkward silence during the middle of a conversation and having the potential new member walk away thinking her last conversation was about as exciting as watching paint dry. I have a phobia of being boring. The solution: ask open ended questions. "If I were to go to your home town, what are five things you would show me?" or "Tell me about what you like to do in your free time." These questions leave the door open to a long response where I can get to know the girl without subjecting her to the same old boring questions she has heard over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again. That would get old. By using open ended phrases, I am more likely to hold a deeper conversation rather than tiptoeing on the surface.
Another "Ah-Ha!" moment I had during Jessica's presentation was using storytelling to convey a point. A great way to avoid cliche answers in first conversations, try telling a story. For example, if you are meeting for a job interview and the boss asks you "What is your greatest weakness?" most would answer with a straight forward, short answer. Instead, expressing a detailed story (however, keep it under a couple of minutes or you risk a zoned out listener) of a time that you failed to display your weakness would make the boss more likely to stay engaged. And plus, you then get the opportunity to share what you learned from the experience. Short comments are almost always recycled, and trust me, during recruitment we hear a lot of the same questions to which we respond the same way. No one ever remembers boring conversations. No one will care remember that you love your best friend because "she is kind and always there for me." What they will remember is the story you told about the night the girl you just met helped you sneak out the bathroom window of a restaurant trying to avoid the obnoxious date your sister set you up with. And now that girl is your best friend. Which would you prefer to hear? We all have stories we are itching to tell others. Let's face it, we love to talk about ourselves. Don't forget that there must be at least two people to have a conversation so be conscious of overtaking, but you're more likely to find a deeper connection in a conversation about escaping bad blind dates than about your terrible math professor. Dig deep. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. We tend to put up walls when we talk to others for the first time. Tear 'em down little by little. It shows others that you are genuine, not some robot who goes around talking about the weather all day. I guarantee you'll never make a boring first impression ever again.
Shout out to Jessica for helping to spare me from my fear of coming across as boring.
XOXO,
Rachel
PS. Check out the Phired Up website for a few free tips on how to relate to others through conversation. Who ever thought that looking at social data would show us the way to talk to others. Also, I truly hope that one day you too get to experience a Phired Up presentation. They are quite....inspiring.